How Not to Sit Like a Lady During a Panel Discussion

I was recently in the audience supporting a friend’s participation in a panel discussion about a new online feature. On this expert panel were two women and one man. So far, this is a pretty boring post but there are three important, and I mean important things to note in this story:

1. Panel discussions often require a panelist to sit on a stool slightly raised above the audience’s eye-level so that everyone can see the panelists. So far, not a problem move on to #2.
2. Two of the panelists were women. Again, no big deal, move on to #3.
3. One of the women was wearing a fashionably short dress. This is a problem (see #1)!

Disaster struck the panelist wearing the short dress (not my friend by the by)! The audience saw way too much of this expert’s….”inner-upper-thigh area” and beyond. The real tradgedy of all this is that the audience was so focused on not looking that they did not hear a word of what she had carefully prepared for the discussion. She lost a lot of credability simply because of this one oversight. The respectable men in the audience were extra uncomfortable (the pervs in the audience probably enjoyed the show)*.

Here’s a bit of advice on being a modern, professional woman that no one ever teaches you:

Three Rules For What To Wear While Sitting On An Expert Panel

1. Before you decide to wear a skirt/dress to your next panel discussion, be sure to consider what you might be asked to sit on, how you might have to sit, and how short your skirt can be.
2. If you are not sure, or have any concerns, just wear pants.
3. If you find yourself on an emergency expert panel and are wearing a short skirt (emergency panels could happen), then sit with your legs locked together and turn elegantly to the side while facing the audience. You may get tired but it’s better than giving everyone a show and bruising your expert reputation.

Honestly, you can’t blame this individual.  Before seeing this unfortunate event, I never ever would have thought about this. I mean, when you get dressed in the morning do you check to see how you might look sitting slightly raised up in front of an audience? For most of us the answer would be “no”.

It’s a minefield out there professional ladies! Watch yourself and be sure to keep your individual peep shows out of professional situations and save them for special extrovert occasions.

Want more sitting tips?

• How to Sit Like a Lady
• How to Get Out of The Car Without Showing Your Undergarments (particularly like this bit “Even if you’re careful, you might end up showing a glimpse of your underwear. Make sure they’re flattering just in case.”)
• And a vintage “How to Sit”

* How do I know the respectable men in the audience were uncomfortable? My boss was in the audience and he first alerted me to the issue via horrified text, to quote him, “Brittney Spears here should listen to her own privacy advice. Killing me.” He had a perfect view of all the panelists and was trying to position other audience members’ heads in his line of vision so he wouldn’t have to look at the “area”.  You know, ’cause he’s a nice guy, has young daughters, and he’s not a jerk.

Say “Yes” To The….Lingerie Party

If you are getting married within the next year and a friend comes to you and says “Hey! I really value our friendship. Allow me to throw you a party dedicated to giving you pretty underwear,” just say “yes”. Here’s why:

1. Nice lingerie is expensive and is, for most, a luxury. Let other people buy you expensive stuff you would never buy for yourself.
2. There will be no other time in your life when this happens. Name another milestone when a group of people will come together to give you fancy underthings. Housewarming Lingerie Party? No. New Job* Lingerie Party? Nah. Graduation Lingerie Party? Probably not. Your baby shower? No way! I’ve been to a bunch of those and no one is giving you anything sexy or elegant and nothing is made of silk. In fact most of what I see people open, as far as foundation garments go, is “breast warmer/cooler pads” or comfortable nursing things or….swaddles or sling things that hold babies.
3. You can set rules like “no games” or “no Frederick’s of Hollywood allowed” or “only Frederick’s of Hollywood allowed” – it’s your party.
4. It’s fun. It’s a fun party that doesn’t have to be raunchy if you don’t want it to be. It can be a part of your bachelorette party or it could be held separately. Have drinks, share stories, try to shock your friends. Everyone wins – including the spouse-to-be.

Probably don’t invite: Your mom, your future mother-in-law, your grandma or the grandma of your soon-to-be spouse. Also never invite jerks- this is a general rule. Only fun, positive ladies that you love should be invited to your lingerie party.

*I guess if your profession is “Lady of The Night” or “Street Walker”, well then, I guess this would make sense.

Cursing for Ladies

Ah, swearing without really swearing. It’s loads of fun. Not only does it mean you can curse at work, in meetings and in front of small children when you’re really mad, these words are so silly, quaint and old-fashioned in some cases, they’ll just make you smile instead. Your anger might even dissipate, leaving you in a much better mood. So go ahead and curse away!

Here are the six I use almost every day as an online project manager:

• Gosh Darn It!
• Holy Cats!
• Nuts to that!
• Ef that!
• Crumbs!
• Wow! That really hurts a lot! (Most commonly used after running into doors, the corner of my desk, the wall .etc. I like to let everyone know exactly how I’m feeling at all times.)

I am working to integrate the following into my own repertoire:

• Shut the front door!
• Well Hell’s bells! (remember Huck Finn?)

I’m always looking to diversify my vocabulary so what do you use when you want to swear like a sailor but need to be a lady?

Looking Good While Camping – New Guidelines

The Lie - 

People, even your parents, friends and loved ones, will lie to you. Especially when it comes to the importance of looking good while camping. Here is what they’ll tell you (actually, this is common “knowledge” about camping): “It doesn’t matter what you wear or what you look like if you’re camping. It’s about roughing it and getting dirty. It’s not about appearance.”

You may agree with that statement, hell, I used to agree. In fact, I was raised this way but recently I’ve come to my senses.

It does matter what you wear and how you look when you are camping. Wanna’ know why? Pictures. Yes, we are on vacation and on vacation whether in Paris or Bloody Dick Creek Station in Montana, we will take photos of our vacation. Why do we take pictures of our vacations? So we can remember how much fun we had and to share the photos with our friends, relatives, loved ones and now, thanks to social media, all of our acquaintances, colleagues, potential employers and strangers!

So now, go ahead and tell me it isn’t important how you look when camping. Do it. I dare you.

The Lesson - 

Case in point. I just got back from a super awesome camping trip in the mountains of Montana. Before-hand, I did some careful packing but remembered that “It doesn’t matter what you look like, you’re camping!” so I broke one of my cardinal rules for myself: the no-shorts rule. I packed, and wore, some khaki shorts that my mom picked up for me at a garage sale somewhere. “No big deal,” I thought, “I’m camping and no one is going to see me, and if they do, they’re only other campers I might run into and I’ll never see them again.” Well, I was very wrong. Well, I was right about never seeing those campers again (actually didn’t see many people at all. No one lives in Montana. Seriously. The whole state has a population of one million) because we had our digital camera.

After reviewing some photos of myself in a ghost town named Bannack I just about keeled over. No one of my party cared enough to tell me I looked terrible. Like a middle-aged, overweight, 3rd grade teacher and mother of 5 with a major gut…..in shorts that magically managed to be both low-rise AND high-waisted. When I saw these photos I considered crying then decided to take action. Like the princess I am, I demanded that we delete all photos of me from that time. For the rest of the trip I got to be photo editor of our camera and I learned a valuable lesson: It’s good to look good while camping.

Luckily for me, I packed a pair of fairly flattering, extremely comfortable black yoga pants. I wore them for the rest of the camping trip. I wore them hiking, fishing, cooking, whilst gathering firewood, going to the outhouse and just general sitting around on logs and dirt. The great thing about black, besides the fact that is is supposed to be slimming? It doesn’t show camping dirt! Also, it matches (sorta’) all the other mostly black shirts I brought with me.

New Truth and Guidelines - 

Think about what you are wearing on vacay because there will inevitably be pictures taken for posterity and you don’t want to be remembered as the fat, dumpy woman smiling next to your tan, healthy outdoor-sy friends and husband.

Tips:

1. Black is your friend while camping. So are yoga pants. They’re comfortable and flexible. (Probably don’t wear them if horseback riding. You have to wear jeans if horseback riding)
2. A baseball cap is your friend. People will say “Oh, look at you in your baseball cap! You’re so cute. You never ever wear baseball caps.” Then you’ll say, “Oh, well, I wear them when I am camping to hide my disgusting greasy hair.”
3.  Washing your face helps get the campfire grit that has merged with your natural face oil off your face. It’s ok to wash your face.
4.  I may have reconsidered my thoughts on clothing but not on makeup while camping. Makeup may make you look better but really? You’re camping. You’re sweaty and dirty and there are not any mirrors and everyone will judge you if, before heading out the door to fly fish, you say “Oh! Just give me five minutes to put my face on!”

That’s it. Be careful out there.

Fishnets

I am a big fan of fishnet stockings. They make me happy for two main reasons:

1. They add an interesting texture to any outfit

2. When I wear them to work, they make me feel less….”lame” (I feel very ordinary and frumpy in regular nylons)

Fishnets allow me to retain some of my independence in an office environment. But there is a downside to fishnets that I have had to come to accept. Many people (read clients-they are the ones that matter in an office environment) may read fishnets as flashy or sexy only. They may not see fishnets as a way to assert individuality but  simply as inappropriate. (I received some….feedback on this subject a couple months ago. I was a bit devastated.) What is hard to swallow is that I doubt anyone would bat an eye if I showed up displaying cleavage (which I don’t do because I feel that is inappropriate at work).

I would love to be in the position to say “Screw you! I’ll wear whatever I want!” but I am not. Clients pay my salary, allow me to work on interesting and meaningful projects so I have had to make sacrifices in leg wear.

Now, fishnets have become my “casual Friday” attire. I don’t wear jeans to work or khakis when I don’t have client meetings, I wear fishnets. Client meetings? Opaque tights or…..nylons. It’s sad but I have to be a grown-up about it.

Life lesson. You can’t always get what you want but you can wear fishnets on casual Fridays (for now).

New year, new house, new closet: The Northwoods Ladies Lounge

Hello again,

I haven’t written a blog in months and I am sorry about that. Please accept the following excuses:

1. I have a new job that takes up a lot of my time

2. I am in grad school and that takes up a lot of my time

3. OMG! I am buying a house with my boyfriend and we are closing in a month

Those who know me know that I already have a “Clothing Room” . This is a dedicated room just for me and my clothes to hang out. I am pretty lucky to have one but since I live in MN and the “room” is actually a 3 season porch, the reality is less than ideal.

Primary Storage

Freezing in the winter and incredibly hot in the summer. It is rarely comfortable in there and because of that, the room is really just a large closet I sprint into in the morning and evening to grab clothes and get out.

Since I have had to do some serious cleaning in preparation for moving I thought I would post photos of the clothing room (normally, due to uncomfortable temperatures, the room is a disaster)

Underwear Containment System (Hatboxes)

Soon I will be saying goodbye to my Clothing Room and hello to the “Northwoods Ladies Lounge” because, OMG! My boyfriend and I bought a house! Buying a house is exciting for many reasons but I plan to have an even more exciting clothing room. Because my boyfriend is an exceptional man, he understands the importance of having a room dedicated only to me and my clothes. We have agreed that since my boyfriend gets to choose the best room for his studio, I get second pick of rooms for my new clothing room! A whole room with two large closets and one window. I have pre-named this room “The Northwoods Ladies Lounge” because there is a lot of wood paneling (pretty sure it is pine). I am so lucky!

Shoes (I prefer to see all of my options) and Jewelry Box

When we are moved and my clothes are happily situated in their new home, I will post pictures and if you live in MN perhaps you can have a tour and a glass of wine in the Northwoods Ladies Lounge because, shoot! I might have enough room for seating and a liquor cart!

Best Work Outfit of Fall 2009

“I’d just like to thank Banana Republic for creating this 1950′s throw-back black silk sweater, my vintage belt, the inventor of fishnet stockings, Sofft shoes and of course, that sleeper brand, always there for you when you are not looking, Anne Taylor. Without these brands and clothing items I would not be wearing what I am today. Oh! And I want to thank Everyday People Clothing Exchange in Uptown for their continued good work! Thank you! And to all the women out there trying to find clothes for work I have one thing to tell you- Don’t stop believing! Thank you!”

That is my acceptance speech for the “Best new work outfit of Fall 2009″ that I awarded to myself today. I think I will also award myself “Best use of used clothing for Fall 2009″ as well.

Seriously, my outfit is good today. What happened? A perfect storm of good items in my closet converged to create something fabulous!

-Have my favorite black silk sweater that is probably from 2000 or something

-New Anne Taylor red checked skirt (I wasn’t excited about it when I bought it, felt too ordinary, but boy am I happy today!)

-Interesting and occasionally difficult teal belt from the 70′s (I think)

-Good ‘ol fishnets to let people know that I know what I am doing

-Lovely black heels that are also comfortable

These all came together today. Could be a ho-hum outfit but the fishnets and belt turn it into something very different.

I am so pleased with how fast I put it together that I awarded myself a couple awards. Unfortunately my hair has some catching up to do in the awards department. We all have strengths and weaknesses.

Hmmm….I should go to a trophy store and commission a couple trophies for myself. That would be so awesome! I wish I had a mantle! Imagine people coming over to your house and asking you about your awards then telling them that they are for outfit construction and execution!

9 Hours later………

Ok. I received enough requests to see the award winning outfit that I have posted it here. There are only men in my office and I would never hear the end of it if I asked them to take a picture of my outfit so I can post it on my blog. I waited until I got home. I took the photo with my phone and yes, that blurry gray thing in the background is my cat. You may not think it is spectacular but before you judge remember, I am not going out, I am not attending the Oscars, I am going to work. Also: I get to decide if my outfit deserves an award.

Send me your award winning outfits. I’d like to see them.

Wear a Slip

Much of what I write in this blog comes from my own mistakes.

Without fail, each and every year, when the weather first turns cold, I forget to wear a slip. When the weather turns cold enough to require nylons, I forget to wear a slip because during the warm months I don’t have to worry about my skirt material sticking to my legs. This is not the case with nylons, tights, leggings and snow pants (if you wear snow pants under your dresses that is your decision).

Just acquire a slip, get more than one of various lengths and materials. Watch to be sure that lace or other details don’t show through. These slip details can become the equivalent of visible panty lines and we all know how I feel about those.

I was recently told that nice, pretty and functional slips are hard to find. I’ll check on that and get back to you.

The Little Black Dress

Never gets old.

Why is this item so important? Because if you have at least one perfect, flattering black dress it can, and will, solve almost any problem. If you don’t own at least one perfect black dress go out and find one. I say find as many perfect black dresses as possible.

“But I don’t want to look like everyone else! Everyone wears black.”    -You

Yes, but will anyone wear it just like you? Black, and in particular, a little black dress can act as a canvas against which you can showcase your very best, most interesting, and most unusual pieces.

Remember that super-awesome cardigan you found? The one with the sequined ponies fighting the tigers? How are you supposed to pull that off? With your black dress. Boom. Problem solved.

If you know that you look good in that black dress (if you’ve checked yourself carefully from all sides) you can confidently wear that big, 1960′s-inspired orange necklace you found with the gold shoes you bought two years ago and you won’t look like anyone else in the room.

Example: My little black dress is very flattering, somehow makes me look taller, isn’t too low-cut, I can wear a regular bra with it AND it looks super cool with any of the following:

• my unusual, brass, super-tiny vintage belt
• my black cotton motorcycle jacket from the 80′s (sans shoulder pads)
• my new hot pink 1980′s crop top
• my very conservative, black Tahari bolo jacket (if I wear that combo, I am all set for the funeral of a very important political figure. If I ever need to go to one of those, at least I know I’ll have something to wear. Oh, and I will look really expensive).

And I just threw those things together in less than 10 minutes as I prepared for a wedding set for later on this week*.

I know the little black dress idea has been talked about forever but it deserves to be discussed. The concept of the black dress that is most important. Make it easy and show off the best of your body and the best of your wardrobe.

Don’t buy a cheap black dress either. You’ll be sorry.

*I have selected a brass belt, shawl/scarf thing combo by the way. Wearing this, I’m going to feel comfortable, confident, and sophisticated. Oh, and I have already decided that the only person who’s going to look better than me on Saturday is the bride. If I’m wrong, don’t tell me. I like to at least believe that I am the best looking person in the room even if I’m not.

How to Thrift: Part Three

In the Dressing Room and at the Register

Now that you’ve scoured the store for every likely and unlikely thing you want to try on, you’re ready to hit the dressing rooms. As always, things will be different at a thrift store in comparison to the dressing rooms at the Banana Republic. Take a read:

Go to the dressing room once

• You may have to wait in line for a dressing room. That’s ok. Check out the return rack while you wait. Someone might have found something great that didn’t fit. (It could be yours! Mwha ha ha ha ha!)
• Try to have everything in your cart for one marathon try-on session. It is easier to make purchase decisions when you compare all items next to each other.
• Always ask yourself if an item will make it easier to dressed or more difficult. Is this item going to work with you and your wardrobe or against it? Is it a new best friend or a closet space-taker waiting to move in?
• Remember the Used Clothing Buyer’s Guide.

Make purchase decisions

• Be judgmental. Don’t  bring home clothes that you won’t wear (some risks are always a good idea).
• Is it worth the money? Is it on sale?
• Remember that thrifting isn’t about spending a lot of money. Always weigh out the cost before you leave the store $100 lighter.
• Do you need to have the item altered? Again, thrifting is about being thrifty. Is this item worth the investment?*

Go to the register

• Remember to be patient. There may only be one cashier. It is also a universal truth that someone in the line ahead of you will be giving the one cashier a hard time. Managers need to be called, prices need to be checked and sometimes people try to haggle over the cost of an item.
• While you wait you might as well go over your purchases one more time. Maybe there is something you don’t need.

Walk out of the store

• If you didn’t end up leaving with a lot of stuff, try not to be disappointed. There’s always tomorrow. Besides, you probably had a good time and learned something about the history of clothing in America.

Now, go home and wear your new stuff. Be proud that you saved money and know that you won’t look like everyone else.

* If you can sew, bless you. You have an extremely useful skill not many of us have anymore. I am proud of you and so is your mom, your grandma, and great-grandma! Speaking of alterations…um…..would you alter something for me?